they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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