You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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