Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
