I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i drank out of a bidet.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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