She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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