I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
