why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
