Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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