i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
