oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
