If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
