Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just high enough for therapy.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You've changed since you got that strap on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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