i don't like sucking hair
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
