My Higher Power is John Stamos
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
