some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
