You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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