The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So drunk its hurt
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
