Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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