I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
