At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
pop tarts are not kleenex
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
