i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
