He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm both gender and math confused
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
