I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
