lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
