My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
