The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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