somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
