I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
