I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
