Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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