I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
