$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
