Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
