I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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