I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
