i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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