im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
