On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
