the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
