Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
