We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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