I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
