Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
