My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
