I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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