There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
