do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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