Moan for me like Helen Keller
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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