did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
COCAINE IS GR8
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
