I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize