5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
