So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
