i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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