im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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