the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
