I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
