Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
