are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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