Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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