I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
