You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize