I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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