We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
