just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
