My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Your dad touched me again.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize