do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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