oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had to cum in my sink.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
