I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
