I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
