I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
