I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
